Does anyone have advice on how to handle lies? I know it’s a huge part of addicted behavior, but sometimes it just drives me nuts. My S/O has recently relapsed after four months Of sobriety. I’m so proud of that work he put in, but it’s been a rough few weeks. He’s been really struggling, lost his job, and is almost back to where he was in December before he entered rehab. It literally took very little time before he was there again. Since then he’s already had to detox once on his own. This past weekend he was Blacked out drunk and then ended up detoxing and getting extremely ill from Monday-Tuesday. Today, after finding out the job is gone, he started back up drinking again after two days. Whenever he’s drinking, he always tells me he’s not. So if I say, “Have you been drinking?” He always looks me dead in the face and says no, even though I know he is. I know I’m not supposed to take it personally, but it’s hard. How do I handle this? Do I even ask him if he’s been drinking if I suspect it? How do I respond? One of my boundaries is I don’t want to be around him when he’s drinking, because it can go from Good to bad in minutes. Because of the nature of his addiction, this means I barely see him when he’s drinking. It’s really hard, because I miss him so much. But it’s better for my safety and well being. How do I navigate this boundary when he’s lying? Lately, Ive just been calling him on his lies and telling him I’ll talk/see him when he’s sobered up. I’m sure that hurts, but I have to do what’s best for me too.
Here’s the other catch. When I ask him what his plan is, he keeps saying he’s going back to AA and he wants to get back to his nightly meetings. He’s even been drunk spouting off AA slogans to me, and talking to his AA guys drunk. It’s bizarre. His actions are completely opposite of what he’s spouting off. So I feel like I’m playing these back and forth games of listening to him go on and on about things he’s not even really wanting or willing to do at the moment. Almost like he’s just saying what I want to hear, and then does the complete opposite. Or maybe he really wants it, but legit can’t again. Even after only a few weeks, he’s right back to full blown addiction. What should I say when he says these things? How can I better encourage him to get back into treatment? Do I just leave him alone to his devices until he comes around? He claims he doesn’t need treatment and just needs to get back to AA. I’ve heard this before many times. Usually it takes dire times before he’ll go back to treatment or to an out patient program. I just wish he wouldn’t wait until it’s that bad.