How to handle fiancé’s recurring relapse


#1

Hi there, I’m new to this site but find it so helpful having a others that truly understand what the journey of loving an addict is like. So for that I am so grateful.
My fiancé of 10 years has been struggling with getting clean from cocaine for almost a year now, (he’s been using for about 7 years but the addiction was bad for about 3 years) but most seriously efforts to get sober have been in the past 6 months. He gets to a month or 2 clean and then messes up again. Lately, it’s been more like every week or so that another slip up has occurred.
How can I be of more help in this process, but while also allowing him to “do it on his own”? I can feel how much he wants it and see how destroyed he is each time he messes up, but it’s like he can’t get passed a couple months. Any advice or guidance on how to help him succeed?


#2

Hi there! My significant other of 12 years also struggles with substances. It started with alcohol and cocaine , then heroine for about 6 years. He’s now off heroine ut back on pretty much anything else constant. It can be very isolating. A few positives are that your fiancé can go a month maybe 2 not using. Have you heard of CRAFT? I’m learning it now through the weekly support groups on here with we the village and it’s been life changing. Also just makes so much sense for I think anyone who’s been through loving someone who’s suffering. CRAFT is a method that trains you how to best be supportive by how and when to use healthy positive communication which then motivates for change. So yes you can definitely assist and support the process with him and he doesn’t have to do it on his own. It also helped he realize what unhealthy habits we as a couple had formed and how my responses were not helping and quite honestly making me feel even worse!! Does your fiancé have or do anything additional for support? A book I’ve been reading and using in addition to the support groups are “beyond addiction” and I just saw that we the village has been going live on Instagram :blush: looking into craft is a good place to start :wink:


#3

For my husband it was cocaine also, so I can imagine what it may be like for you…and it went on for years, and he wanted to do it alone (without professionals). In the end he did become willing to try rehab and it really did help turn things around.

Is your fiance open to professional help?


#4

He has tried counseling and therapy and out patient, but not in patient. We live pay check to paycheck and both of our incomes are our only ways to survive so he always uses that as his reason to not go away somewhere.
He also can get a good amount of time under his belt before he falls again. He says mostly the physical cravings have subsided, it’s more mental and stress induced at this point.
It’s just so disheartening seeing him struggle this way.


#6

@Allforlove2013 I believe it sometimes is about finding the right fit per individual with counseling/inpatient treatment. Is he willing to try again with someone different. With telehealth he could do it right from home :blush:


#5

@Allforlove2013 definitely doesn’t have to be inpatient, it’s great if he has support from outpatient / counseling / therapy. Whatever he finds helpful, support him to keep going with that! There’s healing to be done <3


#7

We’re looking into it, however we are currently in the middle of a move so his sobriety has been out on the back burner in his mind, which is scary to me. We should be done moving by next Friday and I am hoping that we will be able to try and get him more motivated once we’re done.