How to get a hold of myself?


#1

Hello everybody,
I have a 17 year old son that has been using weed for almost 4 years. I have tried to talk to him about the dangers of experimenting with drugs before you brain has finished developing, and the link between teen drug use and addiction. He also struggles with mental health issues, possible ADHD, depression and self harming, suicide ideation. Which terrifies me.
I have explained the risk of using drugs when there is history of mental illness in the family and/or you suffer from. He keeps telling me that weed is completely harmless and that it is not a problem for him. He has been caught and suspended twice in school for using it. He also uses it to sleep so he has increased the amount he uses significantly, since it doesn’t work as well anymore. Recently I have come to find out that he has been using also psilocybin mushrooms. and this week I found out he is using Xanax. I am not sure how long ago and how frequently.
He lies all the time, doesn’t take responsibility for any of his actions and has gotten increasingly defiant.
My son is a beautiful person, full of compassion, and love, he used to be happy and have this light about him that seems to have gone away.
We have tried everything we could think of in the past to deter him from using drugs. Nothing works. I am so scared! I feel powerless. I can’t sleep, I find myself being scared, sad, mad, worried, all the time. I know that my feelings and behavior is the only thing I have control over but I don’t seem to be able to stop worrying. and I feel like I am spiraling out of control with him.
I was wondering if anyone can help with some suggestions.
I am sorry for the long post. I hope I didn’t write anything inappropriate.
Thanks in advance.


#2

Have you tried finding an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting for parents? I have been in Al-Anon for over a year and it has helped me to change my thoughts, feelings and actions as they relate to my loved one who lives with both addiction to weed/alcohol and mental health concern of anxiety and depression.


#3

Dear @pamishh, Yikes! Your post gave me shivers. I am so sorry you are going through this painful experience and I want you to know that there is hope to get this problem solved with your family. I have experienced many of the things you described. My son went into treatment at 22 and he is now 30 and alcohol free. I involved myself with AL-Anon and more helpfully I took the COURSE through this website which really helped me frame my communiciation in a way that my son could receive and I felt confident and safe to say. That sounds wierd, but it’s true. I was TERRIFIED for many years, from the time my son and daughter hit their high school years through their college years because I didn’t have the right tools and I thought (erroneously) that they might “change” through my force of Will and love. Rats… it is too complicated.

I recommend you connect with the counselors at TheVillage and see if they can speak with you to ascertain what ought to be the right course. Congratulations! I wish I had found this outreach earlier in my childrens’ lives- it might have shortened the nightmare. But I can say without reservation that learning about the CRAFT methodology and practicing it has helped me exponentially.
Best of luck. :four_leaf_clover: Get some rest. :sleeping_bed:t6: Do something good for yourself. :gift_heart:


#4

@Thinkstet thank you so much for your encouraging words. I am so sorry you have gone through this as well. But I am glad your son is better :yellow_heart:
I get what you said about not knowing what to say, I go back and forth between thoughts because I am terrified to say the wrong thing and be responsible for him hurting himself or getting worse, and at the same time sometimes I feel like I am not speaking up enough and I am being complacent, or at least sending that message.
I already enrolled in one of the courses here. I’ll definitely look into Al-Anon. I also will try to connect with one of the counselors here.
I appreciate so much taking the time to answer to my post and speaking with such empathy. Hugs


#6

Dear @pamishh - thanks for responding. I am sure you’re going to be OK and your son will be OK too. I appreciate you getting back. I have learned that this whole deal is not just a one cut and done thing… it’s a lot more like whittling. It’s tiny acts over many years. I hope you find joy within this time as well. Keep in touch. Best in 2022 :sun_behind_small_cloud:


#5

@fortress13 Thank you for your recommendation, I had heard of Al-Anon listening to a podcast called In recovery with Dr. Nzinga Harrison, which is when I heard about this website as well, but I had forgotten about Al-Anon and didn’t know there was a Nar-Anon . I will definitely check it out.
I am glad you have found the tools to help you through this very difficult journey :yellow_heart: