Good morning ladies…
So my husband relapsed after 15yrs sober. However, the truth came out that he actually relapsed way back when our 2nd child was born 7.5 years ago.
He confided this to me in early November… then started talking to a few of his guys about it… then has closed off to me completely. Like… completely. Except of course he wants to be sexuality intimate. (Of course…)
My gut is that he fuming and in regret that he opened up about the past at all. He says he’s back “working his program”… but that it’s “none of my business”. Well. We met in recovery. We have 3 young children under 9. He’s been lying to me for over 7 years. And now, instead of being humble and open I’m receiving the angry backlash.
And yes it certainly is my business!
So… I guess the question is… how do you gauge being the enabler and turning into the doormat versus being loving and compassionate? In any relationship there must be give and take. And at some stages, we take more or give more. Right now I’m supposed to be a partner acting in love and healing compassion… but in return I’m getting the aftermath of the vile toxic disease. That doesn’t work for me… and I’m really struggling with that. And perhaps I’ve just answered my own question. …hmm.
What does it look like being compassionate to your active addict or newly sober addict? What does it look like to be the enabler whos playing a role in this ugly addiction cycle?