How to deal with anger after therapy session


#1

I went to the family therapy session I was invited to with my partner who is in rehab for alcohol addiction. I was given an opportunity to ask some questions in that session. What emerged is that my partner has been lying to my face since the beginning of our relationship, not just about the alcohol, I can handle that bit, but around the relationship he had with his ex wife. He told me they were separated and both lived in the house to co parent the kids and beca6it wasn’t financially viable. He did eventually move put Nd got his own place he told me he sat with her and told her that he was in a new relationship and she was ok with that. A few months later she went nuts and commenced court proceedings against him rang his job and tried to get him sacked etc etc. I couldn’t understand why this had happened and he said he had no clue. His children are all in their early 20’s except the youngest guy who is fourteen. I have spent time with him and he is a great kid but the older ones refused to meet me and I couldn’t understand why if everything was above board. It came out in that session that he had not told his wife she went through his bag and found a valentine’s present I gave him which he told me he couldn’t find and had misplaced. That’s the reason she went nuts. As far as she was concerned they were still together although in separate rooms, or so he says. I am so angry I don’t want to ever see him again. He said he wants to tell me everything and have no more lies so that we can start on a clean slate but I can never trust him again. He has told so many lies to cover all this up not just to me bit to his kids and his ex wife. It makes me look like I was having an affair with her husband which is something I would never ever do to anybody. I’m an beyond upset. Has anyone got any advice or similar experiences


#2

Wow. That is a lot for you to take in. Building back trust after such incredible betrayal takes so. much. work. And not just trust in him, but trust in yourself, trust in human beings in general! I also experienced a lot of betrayal from my husband and I think a lot of women in my shoes would’ve left him. The only advice I can give you to is to take the space you need right now to heal, whatever that means or looks like to you in this moment.


#3

Thanks for that. I’m just so angry and theres no opportunity to talk it out with him which is what we usually do when theres a problem. The counsellor has invited me back in for another session. I dont want this to distract from his recovery. He said he has done a lot of work this week and is ready to be 100 percent honest with me which I appreciate. I don’t think I could ever trust him again which is a shame as we get on great and are very well matched as people.