I am struggling with sticking to my boundaries. Hell, I had to google what a boundary even was and I always had a hard time grasping the concept in family therapy during my boyfriend’s rehab days. Personally, to me, they seem like ultimatums. I understand the groundwork of them - If this happens, then this is how I will react/take action. That’s the set-up, right?
I love my boyfriend so much and I have tried to instill boundaries, but for some reason I find myself after a day or two easing up on them and letting go. I start to feel bad for him, or my codependency kicks in and I just want to help him with whatever is going on and then all of the sudden…poof…there goes my boundary and I can’t help but feel, my self-respect too.
We just had a really large argument over the fact that the he had been lying to my face about secretly drinking, even when I would straight up ask him if he had. The argument did not go well and he left to sleep in a hotel for two weeks. I had told him prior to this argument, but after countless others (mostly revolve around lying), that I cannot keep doing this and I want to live in a space with people I can trust and I currently cannot trust him. Therefore, the next time I would find out he was lying to me, that would be it and our relationship would be over.
Well, two weeks came and went and he is back in our place and I am somehow now working on myself (which I should always be doing no matter what) with therapy, and trying to detach and co-exist, all the while showing him that I yet again did not stick to my very clear and labeled boundary. I love him, but I am mad at myself. Has anyone else been in this situation. It’s a sick ride and I want off. I am either upset or hurt by his actions, or upset and frustrated at mine. Help.