How do you split up finances when addict spouse gets kicked out?


#1

My husband has crossed boundaries too many times and is moving out for a couple months. He is going to find an apartment, but it’s a hard to accept that we will now be paying for a mortgage and rent because of his actions. We will also be paying two grocery bills, two utility bills, etc. He wants his own apartment, but I feel like he shouldn’t have that right, he should just find the cheapest room to rent since he messed up. I shouldn’t need to pay for something nice for him for his “privacy” and comfort. How have you handled this situation?


#2

I’m in the same situation with my soon to be ex-husband. We can’t decide if we should keep the marriage legal and keep all of the finances and insurance together or legally divorce and separate everything out. Although we haven’t been together as a romantic couple for a long time, we have been living together for the sake of the kids and finances. But recently he has crossed some major boundaries with his drug and alcohol use. So I feel ya. And we aren’t sure how we would afford two places. But I also feel like my kids can’t continue to see us living together like this. He wants to rent, I think he should buy. I feel like buying is actually cheaper. My suggestion to him was to find a cheap two bedroom condo and slowly start moving some things in. Him and I still get along as friends so we are hoping to still have some dinners together with the kids during the week. The kids will mostly stay with me. We talked about them staying with him Tuesday nights and every other weekend. He already stated that Tuesday’s is his “going out” night. That really bothered me. The other thing I’m worried about is whether he’ll stay sober when he has the kids with him and what kind of people he’ll bring around. That’s another reason I’m worried I should make things legal. Do you have children? Are you just separating for a bit? Or not sure? It’s definitely a tough situation. But I don’t know about you, I’m ready for some peace, stability, and harmony.


#3

We have a 16 month old. It’s so hard. He said he wanted a divorce on Monday, so I met with a Lawyer on Tuesday to get information on how to protect myself and son. He retracted his “I want a divorce comment” Tuesday night and said he wants to separate for 6 months to see what its like to be divorced, or get back together. Am I reading too much into it, or did he put his preference first??? So it seems like he just wants a soft landing before making it official?
Now that he is pricing things out, he is finding out that he cannot afford to live on his own in addition to paying half our mortgage (He wants half the profits when we sell right?), helping pay for our sons expenses, paying back some dishonest spending to me, and all his additional expenses.
He asked me yesterday to spot his $100/month. Seems small enough, but after some thought, it seemed a lot like asking me to enable him. For the first time ever, I said no to a request and there wasn’t a huge blow up! Although I am proud of myself, I am still struggling with feeling guilt.

And yes, I am sooo ready for stability and peace.