i Can handle being called a bitch by my AH but when he starts telling our 18 year old daughter she’s a bitch just like her mom, when he’s drunk, I’m just not a fan of it. Also, he told her, I don’t care what your mom thinks, were getting divorced anyhow. Mind you, he was completely drunk. No excuse in my book.
What can you do about it? I would not accept that and set a boundary.
I have told him I do not like it or agree with it. The divorce thing I don’t know what to do about it. As far as he knows right now, I know nothing. But he probably doesn’t even remember saying it.
What i believe in is that mental illnes or any condition is not an excuse for bad behavior.
You also teach people how to treat you
Yea. I remember being on this situation…being verbally abused and being asked why I suddenly left
And seeing a dumbfounded response fromthe addict
I myself have dealt with verbal abuse from many partners throughout my life including my own parent(s). The truth is, by choosing to stay with those who take us for granted, all we can do is show them how to treat us. Set hard boundaries and if they cross those boundaries…well, honestly you must put your mental health and that of your daughters before your compulsive impulse to stay with the addict in question. As a codependent myself, I know this is hard to hear. Essentially, the addict has no choice but to respect you and your boundaries and if they don’t, well. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, in my experience. I hope this helps.
Earlier this week I got in a pretty dramatic fight with my husband. It wasn’t verbal abuse in the same way as you mention name calling. BUT it was a total implosion of him telling me everything that was wrong in our lives. I didn’t realize just how drunk he was at the time. Turns out that hangover and discovering some missing bottles explained a lot about what was going on.
I think if I’d realized earlier it would have been wise for me to extract myself from the conversation, or getting into it with him, or reading into it. But because I didn’t quite realize I got stuck in it. Can you find a way to side-step a conversation when he’s drunk @Beth?