My boyfriend relapsed earlier this month, and my immediate reaction was to ask him to stay at his place that night because I needed some time and space to process. I called my coach (https://balmfamilyrecovery.com/) and she helped me decide how I wanted to respond and what boundaries I wanted to set. His meth use is almost always connected to promiscuous sexual behavior, so I set boundaries around that aspect of our relationship. In addition to setting the boundaries, I honestly told him how I felt in a way that was simply communicating my feelings, not blaming him for making me feel that way.
His reaction to my boundaries was to feel like I was abandoning him, and also the low that comes after meth use made that worse. So I made an extra effort to show him that I still love him, I still support him, I still want to be partners in life. And I felt good about doing that because I had set boundaries for myself that made me feel like I was taking care of myself first. That’s important for me.
I think it’s important to communicate how we feel, as long as we’re taking responsibility for ourselves and our feelings, not shaming them for causing us pain. I also think it’s important to make the choice to move forward in a way that is supportive of their recovery, if that’s what you want. If you want to stay with him, then you are choosing to support him through relapse. That’s the deal, and it’s simply a choice. So yeah, it’s awkward at first…but honesty and taking responsibility for my emotions has helped immensely.