I was in a year long relationship with a man who told me was a “severe alcoholic”. I’ve been clean for 7 1/2 years & am active in the recovery community, but i honestly had no experience with someone with gallons a day drinking. There were times he seemed “off” & acted “weird”, but I’d never known him drunk so i did t know what i was seeing. His depression reached suicidal many times - took him to ER & called 911 several times for psych hold.
It wasn’t a perfect relationship, & I struggled with him communicating/sharing, but I hoped by my example & going to Celebrate Recovery he’d see his recovery was worth fighting for, too. October we celebrated a year together & his 43rd bday together. Then back to back ER trips. The last time they kept him 6 days (medical observation from withdrawals) & then his parents & I took him to rehab on 10/31.
He gave me a letter saying he loves me, he wants to get his life straight & stable, so we could have a real future together & he could marry me for real. He also gave me a bead bracelet he made, saying his hands hadn’t been stable enough to put beads on a string in years. I had hope. He made me promise i would not leave him when he was in rehab & no matter what we’d stay friends.
A week into rehab, our last phone call, he told me he’d call the next day, as many times as he could…& instead i never heard from him again. He would not take my calls when i tried calling him. I didn’t bother trying to visit because i couldn’t handle being rejected. I wrote him letters every week instead. I found out he got out of rehab last week. And blocked me from all social media. And has a new girl.
His eyes are still blank, vacant, cold. I know he isn’t better. He’ll have 90 days sober on Sat. I’ve read about PAWS. I don’t understand. I was the 1 person in his life that believed in him, his sobriety & future & i was cut out??? No one understands. But I’m accepting his choice, at this point in his recovery, & focusing on my own healing & work. My heart is just broken. And i don’t know if i should say “F this guy” & give up…or keep praying while he recovers & hope one day he’ll come back?!? This disease sucks. That much i know.