How do I know if I’m helping too much?


#1

When I found my friend he was in a state of depression and hopelessness literally almost lifeless and I’m horrible living conditions and without food and work… He had several traumatic events last year but I tried to remind him that he is stillhere and is worthy of good things. I helped him with interviewing skills and many everyday things that most of us do without much thought. I coach him on how to call and make appointments and I sit with him while he does… His anxiety and ocd behaviors (along with alcohol) seem to keep him living in seclusion. I try to help with things such as reminding him of his responsibilities and assist him with social situations. He seems to have a lot of debilitating anxiety. He is working a good job now and has learned new skills that help his self esteem but strugggles to leave his house unless he has to for work.


#2

I’m still working on this one, so I definitely don’t have a perfect solution. It’s definitely a balance. Something that helps me is to think, ‘am I helping or rescuing?’ I also notice when I’m feeling resentful. If I’m feeling resentment, I’ve probably gone too far and need to look at my boundaries or take more time to care for myself.


#3

Love this distinction @equanimity and believe when we get into resentment territory is the perfect time to up our own self care.


#4

@Alice2019! Thank you for asking this important question, I’ve definitely questioned this myself and I’m sorry we missed it when you originally posted it. How are you doing now?

My view on helping is - if you want to and feel good doing it then do it. If it’s causing resentment or other harm to you then we need to make sure you’re taken care of first (through self care activities, remembering to keep up with our friends / family / support networks and hobbies we love and things that make us, us!) We can’t look after others well when we’re depleted and in most cases recovery can be a long journey so we need to think about the long run which includes our health and happiness, not just theirs!