I’m not sure what to call him, but my ex is in very active stages of cocaine addiction. We were dating very happily for 4 years before this, and we had been living together for a few years as well. Why I’m writing here is that we’ve been on and off relationship-wise for the past few months. There was something off about him this summer but I couldn’t quite figure it out. Like, he would go out to the club multiple days a week, and come back very late in the morning all the time. One day I confronted him that I didn’t understand what was going on, and told him he was acting really risky and I could tell he was pushing his real friends away and hanging out with these new people all the time, he was also acting really scared like he was going to lose me. I knew the friends were doing a lot of cocaine, but for some reason I trusted that he didn’t dabble at all, even though he’d hang out with them almost every night it seemed. We took a “break” for a couple weeks after I confronted him about this strange new activity and how he’s not hanging out with his real friends, then he told me I should just go stay at my sisters, and that turned into a couple months. Where we’d see each other maybe every week or so, still or text but it wasn’t the same. Eventually I confronted him and told him I’d leave unless he decided what he really wanted.
Basically, he kept telling me he wanted a break so I could “focus on myself” and what I need to accomplish career-wise, so I thought it was all my problem. He kept telling me he couldn’t commit, but then a couple days later or so when it seemed like I’d really leave, he’d text me that I was his everything. After we had what I thought was a good reunion and we were back together…he got a dog for gosh-sakes and told me that he wanted me to be a “dog mom”. I came back to live there for a couple weeks, and everything seemed okay…still fishy but I still didn’t know he had a drug problem. Then one weekend he just disappeared for a few days, and I knew something was wrong because he neglected to go to his best friends birthday party. When I confronted him and told him I would leave unless he communicated what was really going on, he told me he didn’t feel the same about me anymore. I could see in his eyes he didn’t mean what he said. I decided to leave. I talked to one of his friends who happened to be a mental health and drug counselor and he told me that he has a problem with cocaine and that’s the drug talking. He somehow found out that I talked with the friend and that I probably found out about the drug addiction, and that’s when he really pushed for me to move out. So I agreed. I packed up my stuff and he had his brother drop off my things…and now I realize that he purposely kept some of my things. I left him a letter telling him I knew something was wrong, but I’m going to go until he realizes he needs help. (Also when I went back to the place, I found evidence of drug use and realized that I’ve seen evidence months before but didn’t really put 2 and 2 together)
It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve last talked to him. I’ve avoided reaching out again because I really felt super deep into the drama and it was becoming overwhelming. I feel better, but I know in my heart that all that he was saying was just to push me away. I’m not sure what to do about it anymore, and I wouldn’t be so quick to drop it if we didn’t have a great relationship for 4 years before this.