How do I fix my relationship


#1

My spouse and I met 5 years ago and we were both alcoholics. 3 years ago we both got sober for different reasons. Shortly after we were pregnant and had our daughter. We were distant of each other after the baby. Barely intimate, lots of arguing and disagreements but we have managed to keep it together till now. My reason being I want my daughter to grow up with both parents in the same household but it seems it may be more mentally healthy for everyone if we’re not together. She is unhappy and expresses this constantly I try to compromise and change to try to please her but have been unsuccessful thus far. She recently relapsed and doesn’t come home until the next day when she ends up drinking. I don’t believe she is seeing someone else. She doesn’t come home because it will definitely be a argument as I am upset she says which is true. I don’t want to lose my family but I am being pushed to my mental limits. I have manage to keep my sobriety so far. What can I do to fix my relationship? Thanks


#2

Hi @Ronald_Thompson. I’m sorry to hear your spouse has relapsed. This is a terrible stressful time in general, so I can imagine how overwhelming this must be for you. I wish there was a clear cut way to “fix” a relationship, but I’m not sure that exists. From my experience, using the positive communication tips found here really helped me to talk to my husband about his substance use in a way that didn’t make him feel defensive and allowed communication to actually occur (as opposed to me just yelling when I got mad). It was helpful for me because I was able to control at least one aspect of our relationship (myself and the way I behaved) and I learned to let go of the things I couldn’t control (him, his drinking, his behavior). This doesn’t mean I stopped encouraging sobriety or helping him, but rather I learned to look at the situation with the limitations that are there. I think it’s important to remember that we can’t fix a relationship that is between two people on our own, but we can work on ourselves so that we are showing up in a way that is helpful and supportive and taking care of our own needs in the meantime :heart: