Hi, I am the wife of an addict. MY husband’s drug of choice is alcohol which then leads to binge use of Crack Cocaine which often would span days and hundreds of dollars. This has been ongoing much of his adult life (we are in our 30s). He has been to prison, rehab, and through a drug court program etc. to no avail. These binges have occured randomly, sometimes months apart sometimes only weeks. He has had the ability to remain sober for a period of time (mostly due to court mandated treatment), however; is currently back in prison serving time for his 5th DWI. Until this most recent stint in prison his drug abuse had lead to extreme psychosis. Although he is now somewhat more clear from being incarcerated, I am fearful of his wishy washy recovery especially due to his somewhat jaded idea of being in recovery. He believes because he is able to function that he is not like others.
For a little background, in between these 2 prison stints, he has managed to run a successful business, own multiple homes, get married and raise a daughter but is on the verge of losing everything once again after having the ability to build his life up after his initial prison stint in his 20s. HE is a generous loving husband and father, hard-worker and provider, however; that doesn’t excuse this behavior and he sometimes believes it does.
My question, is how do I be of support to him without jeopardizing my needs? I need to be happy in order to raise our daughter. I am extremely fearful of the return of this behavior once he is released. How do I as a wife support him without enabling ? I have told him multiple times that if his behavior returned him to prison or jeopardized our daughter’s stability that i could not support this marriage any more. I have begged for him to go to treatment yet he ensured he had it under control and knows what he has to do yet didn’t. I have been through a lot to stand by his side but I believe its doing more harm than good. It has been hard for me to accept that after 11 years, we are back in the same position of incarceration. While I am somewhat thankful because i know he could be dead due to extreme use, i am not sure i can continue down this path. It’s exhausting to deal with and I want the old person back, however; I don’t know that he exists.
i am looking for general guidance and suggestions on how to manage my situation.