I posted this on another feed but decided to create this as a separate new post:
Well I think I’m struggling a bit at times mentally. Although I’m the queen of “holding it together.” My soon to be ex-husband whom I’m still living with (he won’t leave) came home all cracked out on cocaine and alcohol this weekend. He got abusive with me and made a horrible scene in front of the kids. I almost called 911. Although he’s always been a “functioning addict” I’m beginning to question just how “functioning“ that type of behavior is. Problem is, he remembered very little about what happened, said he’s sad that I’m moving on and hates seeing me happy with someone else, said he sees no reason to tell his family about what’s going on, and that he has no intention of ever being “normal.” The thought of being “normal” scares him. Says he does not want to lose me as a friend and it makes him sad that I’m scared of him. He’s also ashamed that he was like that in front of the kids. Yet, he doesn’t seem to want to do anything to change. This is all just reiterating why it’s time to leave and move on as co-parents and hopefully friends. I’m also scared for my kids when they visit him. What if he gets high and drunk when they are with him? Many of the reasons I’ve stayed for so long. 15 years! I always thought I could control it enough to bring some normality to my kids’ lives. On many levels, that mentality has blown up in my face. Weird thing is I keep a lot of this secret and many of our loved ones have no clue of the amount of dysfunction that has accrued. We’ve both protected each other on many unhealthy levels. I’m ready to move on and I don’t want to continue with the secrets anymore.
My current S/O who is 95 days sober is still working his recovery. He’s doing nightly online meetings. We’ve still been doing at least two things together per week for our recovery. However, he’s not happy with work at the moment. He is considered an “essential” employee. He’s upset because he feels they are taking advantage of him by making him come in and do work that isn’t even in his job title. It’s really not essential work at all. I’m trying to sort it out in my mind as to whether his feelings are valid or whether he is displaying that sense of entitlement that many addicts often display. He keeps making comments about doing the work of people who were too lazy to do their jobs correctly and are paid more than him while they’re sitting at home. He’s torn between continuing to work under circumstances that are making him quite annoyed, or doing as others have done and leave for the time being to collect unemployment. I’m worried about him just sitting around for weeks. I’ve got my own kids here, I can’t entertain him all day, and sitting around doing nothing almost seems like a set up for relapse. But so does working a job day in and day out that he’s unhappy with. . Any suggestions on advice I can give him? It’s tough time for everyone right now but especially our loved ones in recovery. Sometimes, I can see the fragility of his mental state showing through at times like this. It scares me. I’m proud that he hasn’t relapsed, and is still taking recovery seriously. I’m also proud that he’s talking things out and trying to make decisions for himself instead of running to the liquor store. But I feel sometimes the same mentalities and thinking patterns that made him drink are still there sober. Not sure what to say to help him see that or help him make sound decisions.
I feel this sense of constant fear when anything new arises. Being out of work isn’t helping my cause. I’m not sure whose more fragile. Me or them? Any advice would be great!