His addiction is growing, and he seems to be turning on me. What do I do?



Opiates, benzodiazepines, the past 6-8 months. Now he’s on methadone and has tried shooting with a needle for the first time. He’s getting hostile and suicidal. There’s no trust anymore. It’s been completely lost the past 3 weeks. And our boundaries have gone out the window.
Where do I go from here?
We live together. I have no one left to talk too. It’s hurting both of us. But I want to be able to be there for him. Yet he keeps turning on me. Spiteful, hurtful and blaming. We have never been like this before, it’s all very new between us. It’s scary.
How to I reset boundaries? What should I do or not do to help? Do I let him do his thing and keep a healthy distance?
A little advice would be helpful. Ask away with any questions.


I am so sorry to hear you’re in this situation @3Gates. How are things going today? It can be so hard living with an active addict, especially when it is all very new. When I found out my husband relapsed after 8 years clean from heroin, I made the decision to start loving myself again. My first step was making an appointment to see a therapist - specifically I reached out to a Certified Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor who was trained to help addicts and their families.

I suggest starting small and taking it one day, one step, one moment at a time. In order to best support your loved one, it’s important that you take care of yourself. Both of you are in a very fragile state right now. You have the ability to provide him with the support he needs, but in order to gain those skills, you have to look inside yourself and take steps to take care of yourself. Joining this community is a great first step. You can schedule a coach call to talk to @erica who can help you with 1:1 professional support. Read books and learn about addiction as much as you can. There is a digital meetup with this group on the science of addiction and trust. Check out a local Al-Anon group - the tools of Al-Anon have helped me so much in taking care of myself, discovering how addiction has turned ME into an unhealthy person, and learning to love myself again. And hang in there. Breathe. These scary feelings will pass and it will be ok again. It’s hard to realize that when you’re in the chaos of active addiction, but recovery IS possible. There are stories of strength and hope that you can hang on to, and people willing to help. Sending you love. :pray::sparkles: