He's high, what do I do?


#1

My husband is currently high after being clean a long time. He’s taken over $500 out of our account in less than a week. He’s mad at me because I’m upset. He’s saying I make it worse and he’ll never be honest with me again. Mind you he wasn’t honest with me. I had to beg him to tell me the truth.
What do I do? He won’t go back on suboxone he said he can get clean himself. He says he doesn’t have a habit. If he doesn’t have a habit I’m wondering why the fuck he took out $500 from the bank in less than a week. I don’t know wtf to do.


#2

Hi @Melissaireland11, how are you? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My husband is a recovering heroin addict and I know when he was at his worst - draining our bank account, lying about his whereabouts, refusing treatment, insisting he could do things in his own - I felt very out of control and alone. Please know that things get better, even if they don’t go as you expect.

Is there anything you can do for yourself right now that is completely under your control? You can’t control his behaviors. You can’t make him do or be something or someone that fits your needs. But you can control your behaviors and you can give yourself what you need. What do you need that you can give yourself? Some space by leaving the house for a bit? Alone time to journal, read, pray, exercise, meditate? An Al-Anon meeting? An appointment with a therapist? These are all things that you can do to take care of yourself. Focus on you and what you can control right now. You will be better able to support him once you’ve helped yourself. :pray:t4::sparkles:


#3

Ugh. I’m so sorry… I thought my hubby has been sober this entire 15yrs since we’ve known eachother. I caught him several months ago after a cocaine binge and it turns out he’s been secretly using on & off for the past 7.5 years. He’s now rescinded that statement saying it’s only been this recent time, but the lies are so a part of the package.

Remind yourself as much as you can (and omg it’s so hard when get so nasty and angry like that) that he is completely under the influence of his disease. Whether he’s actively using this moment or not… until he surrenders… his brain is literally flip flopping like a out of control raging bull. Sorrowful one moment, shooting daggers the next. It is his DISEASE. Treat him as you would a sick person. I literally have to look at my husband sometimes and think of him as one of my children. (Which is awful… I need a pertner, not another child in the house) But it helps me be compassionate. And in times when I can’t be compassionate it helps me not to take it personal. They are sick right now. And like the above writer mentioned, do for yourself. Right now. It’s all about what YOU need to fill yourself up. Alanon has been amazing to me as well. You are not alone. And if you have to leave… leave. Even for the weekend. It will make his bottom come quicker and hopefully when he sees the destruction he’s causing, he can be brought to his knees. :heart: