He just drove away drunk- I know I should report him, but I am paralyzed by fear



I asked him not to go and even took his keys, which he demanded I give back by literally screaming at me. So I thought, okay I will give them to him and just report him. And now I’m sitting here staring at my phone looking at the number 9-1-1 and I cannot press the call button. I am so scared of what this will mean for us financially and for our relationship, and I’m so angry at myself for being SO selfish. Help.


I just messaged you my number, call if you need to talk.

First of all, take slow deep breaths.

It’s okay that you’re scared. All you need to do is press call and answer their questions, 911 is very helpful and they are there to help you. You can do it :heart:


I’m sorry you’re even having to make this decision, but for his safety and the safety of others, you can do this. It’s his consequence for driving while impaired. It’s not fair to put that responsibility on you. :heart:


Thank you both. I did make the call, and it was and is heartbreaking. I know it was the right decision, but I am also afraid of what this will mean for our finances and our relationship. I fee impossibly sad, but proud of myself for doing the right thing, even though I was scared. He’s not home yet, and I haven’t heard anything, so I’m not sure what will come of this yet, but I do know I did the right thing, and i’m trying hard to trust that it will all work out exactly how it’s supposed to.


You did the right thing. We’re here for you.


@Blondie I’m so sorry you were in this position. How are you doing today?


Not great. He didn’t end up getting picked up, and came home a little after midnight—too drunk to function. This morning he decided to go out and buy lumber to build a deck with the money we had set aside for our wedding next month.

I’ve decided to call off the wedding. We had a couple short and very hurtful conversations today, so i haven’t officially called it off yet, but I don’t see us being able to salvage much of the relationship after the things that he said to me today (and every other time he’s been drunk, which has been a LOT lately.) I’m heartbroken, but reminding myself that i’m strong, have an incredible community surrounding me, and will make it through this, just like i’ve done every other time.

At some point, he needs to take some steps to at least WANT to get better. I just can’t pull the weight of both of us anymore.


@Blondie I am so glad you reached out and feel supported. You truly are a strong woman and it sounds like you’re doing what you need to take care of you. Sending you thoughts of ease and warmth for today and the days ahead.


So tough @Blondie but this chain of support is everything. How are you doing today?

Has he ever had any kind of professional help for his drinking?

Sounds like right now it is best to tackle his active addiction so that the future may have a chance to become a little brighter.

We can definitely help with communication skills to have these difficult conversations, see the playbook on this site and let me know if you want more :heartbeat:


Sending lots of love @Blondie. I know how it feels to feel like you’re pulling all the weight and there doesn’t seem to be any desire to change and it is such a tough spot. I’m glad you have support during this time :heart: