I’m beating my self up because I feel like I need to get a order of protection on my s/o, he’s hit rock bottom and bringing me and my kids down with him. Every night he drinks and does coke he gets in a very dark place come night time. He screams at me ask me why I can’t understand him barges into the room when my kids are sleeping which wakes them up, he says that I’m stupid if I think I’m going to live my life with out him, he says he’s going to kill him self and it’s my fault. He takes my phone accusing me of being sneaky and cheating says he’s going to ruin my day and that he’s not going to let me to work. He barrows money from his mom for beer and drugs and pays her back with his little bit of monthly government money. He scares me but it’s holiday season and I feel horrible if I get a order of protection but then again he’ll probably just ruin the holidays for me and my kids. What do I do?! I feel bad for him he has nothing no job no car but I know he can go to his moms but won’t. I live in misery and don’t know what the right thing to do is.
I definitely can’t tell you what to do but when your kids get involved and their lives are disrupted its time to get him out or you and the kids get out the abuse will only get worse and that is not fair for the kids. I can tell you from experience this will permanently damage your kids. My daughters were 8 and 10 when I finally left after 18 years and we all have P.T.S.D. today and it’s been 14 years. You can feel responsible for his actions.
I was once there too. Nothing I did worked to help him. I had to save myself and my kids. I tried to imagine what would give me the most peace and joy and work my way towards that. I had to get strong by going to Al-anon meetings and therapy. I had to set tough boundaries. I had to call the police, get a restraining order, and hide for a while. 20 years later, he has not changed and I live a peaceful and joyful life. It was the best thing I did for myself. I learned a lot about codependency. Over the years, I would feel myself getting sucked back in to destructive relationships and I have continually worked on myself to be the person I want to be and protect my kids.