He agreed to detox - now what

#1

My bf agreed to come to my apartment for detox after a 3 week relapse. He lost his job and this triggered this setback but he had a lot of years of clean time and was previously very diligent about his meds, drs appts, gym time, friendships , routine. This is why i have not lost all hope. I do not, however, know what i need to do or what to expect or how to be truly helpful.

He’s here this weekend in my house, brought the bare minimum of sweatpants. It’s a clean, controlled environmental. He isnt sick yet but he is a bit out of it. Sleepy.

Tomorrow we have an intake appt for MAT/suboxone. Hoping to get a long term treatment plan that include meds,therapy,etc

I feel very scared and alone. Im trying to take it a minute at a time. I know recovery is a process. I also feel like an idiot and like im going to lose him and he’s going to shut me out.

Being here is one part of how im getting supoort. Any advice/thoughts/suggestions would be appreciated.

#2

I feel you. It can be very lonely dealing with what you are dealing with. I’ve been there with my boyfriend detoxing off alcohol many times. How’s it going? If he needs to detox safely, call and set that up ASAP. I don’t know much about heroin but with alcohol this time around it was going to be too dangerous to do it alone. So we had to call our county recovery services to get him into inpatient. Tell me what you’re scared of. I know you are scared about getting shut out, but it sounds like he is doing the exact opposite. He’s reaching to you for help. And if he does shut you out or leave it is not about you at all. It’s the addiction taking a hold of him. Please know you are not alone. I’ve felt that way many times. It sucks that he’s relapsed, but it sounds like he knows what he needs to do and hopefully he will follow through with his intentions. .

#3

Thank you for this.

Scared of being shut out for sure. Scared of him dying. Scared he doesn’t actually care about me. Scared about the unknown. Scared we’re not going to have trust or happiness.

#4

I hate those feelings. I am Feeling scared today too. My boyfriend just started back at his job. He’s 32 days sober and he was feeling a ton of anxiety today. I just worry about him being able to handle this along with recovery. I’m scared shitless. So you are not alone. I think tonight I am going to try to write a list of all the blessings in my life. I’m going to try to live in the moment of today. Which today he is sober. But I never ever want to go down those dark paths again. I think I’ll lose it mentally if he starts drinking again. So you are not alone in these feelings.

How is it going? Did you guys make the appointment? Is he detoxing? Sometimes it’s literally one second at a time. Much love and good vibes being sent your way. :heart:️

#5

Man, I really appreciate you today.
I know it’s a day at a time, a second at a time. It’s just exhausting.
Today has been good. We went to a clinic this morning for methadone. That’s a good first step. He’s feeling better. It feels “normal” for the first time in weeks. We need to have a conversation about what the next steps are - work, therapy, etc.
I just want to curl up and sleep for a month. I am hopeful and kinda hate myself for it.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Work.
I have a therapy appointment this week. I don’t want my whole life to become his illness.
I hope your guy’s first day back went well <3

#7

SO TRUE. All of that. :slight_smile: Thank you.

#6

I’m glad you are going to therapy. I see a therapist as well and it’s been very helpful. So far his first day back to work has been good. He said no one really talked to him, but to be expected. Kind of pisses me off because if he had cancer or some other disease, everyone would be asking him how he was and be more concerned. Addiction is judged by society yet it’s a sickness just like any other. Sounds like your bf is taking some decent steps. I wish you all the well. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You love him and all of what you are doing is out of love for him. We just have to try not to lose ourselves in the process.

#8

From experience, let him detox first before you might push other things on him (longer treatment). I have done that for my brother before and it backfired completely, before he even went to detox my family and I were pushing him to ongoing treatment, and before we knew it he ditched on the detox.