Does this get any better? Am I stupid for thinking it will?


#1

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 months. I’m sure this story sounds familiar to others as well. We had an instant connection, so intense. More than I’ve ever experienced before. There are so many similarities in us and I know we could have an amazing life together. The trouble is he’s an addict. Crack is his drug of choice. He’s been very open about his past and struggle. He has a great deal of emotional baggage from the past. He’s in recovery, however, relapsed multiple times over the years. Recently he slipped about a month ago and I think he went back out last night. He’s not responding to me so I’m pretty sure he’s in run mode. Both times it’s happened after a fight over something seemingly small. He has trust and abandonment issues and get scared often. Calling it “getting in his head.” He says I’ll eventually leave him. Usually we can work through it however I find that I’m constantly convincing him of my feelings and that I’m not going anywhere. Very quick mood swings. Big temper at times. I’m on eggshells often. It’s so strange. We go from planning a life and future together to him snapping and saying he’s done with us. All in the same day or even hours apart. I think it stems from his fear and addiction history. I know when he’s upset he craves the drug so he can forget and mask his feelings even if it’s temporary.

I really don’t know what to do. This is all new to me and I don’t know how likely this will change. He has so much good in him. I see all of those qualities. I tend to see the good in people and overlook the bad. I’m also fiercely loyal. Am I stupid for thinking this could change? That the emotional roller coaster cycle will lessen over time? He’ll stop running? I don’t want to give up on him like everyone else has but I also have a 16 year old daughter to consider too. If it was just me I could handle more. She has never witnessed any of this first hand and does not know about the addiction but has seen me upset when he’s run twice in the past. I know she’s concerned that my relationship moved too fast with him.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I’m so out of my depth here.