As usual, I’m struggling with a scenario. My S/O has been sober for 29 days. One of the things he tends to do is slow down on his meetings during the course of his sobriety.
I always tell him that if he has the time to sit and drink for weeks on end, he has the time to attend meetings. We both agree in conversation that recovery should always come before work, other appointments, leisure, etc. Since he’s been back from rehab last week, he has at least attended one meeting every day either through zoom or in-person. It is tough right now because there’s not a ton of in-person meetings due to Covid. And he doesn’t drive. That part I get. But tonight when I asked him if he attended a zoom meeting, he said he fell asleep. He then said, “no big deal. There are in-person ones tomorrow and Friday.”
I’m struggling with this right now. I tend to think I know what’s best for his recovery. And in some ways, I do think I am more attune to what leads to a crash. After all, I witness it each and every time. One of those things is slacking on his meetings and putting work/other things before recovery. But I’m trying really hard to not force my opinion too much. It’s his recovery, not mine. Maybe I don’t know what’s best. But boy is that hard. Maybe I’m asking too many questions. Should I even ask every night if he attended a meeting? From there, do I make a comment when he doesn’t? It’s a fine line in my own recovery as I tend to put all of my focus on the addict in my life and what they are doing. Maybe I need to attend my own meetings. Maybe I’m being a bit hypocritical. But then again, he’s the one who’s practically killed himself several times this year. And he says not attending a meeting tonight is “no big deal.” Well to me it is.
What does everyone on this forum do/expect in regards to meetings and recovery? Do you keep a bottom line? Am I being too pushy by saying anything? Should I say something? I never know what’s the right thing to do. So far I haven’t commented. Instead, I took a break for an hour and came back to the conversation and told him I love him. But I am tempted to at least tell him my feelings on the subject. But I also don’t want to over do it or come off pushy or controlling.