Do I belong here?

grief
self-care
#1

I’m new here and was just wonder if this is a forum that I belong to. I had a loved one that was addict. Sadly she lost here battle with her addiction and she past away last spring. Then in the fall I lost a close friend as well to his addiction to drink. I’m looking to heal and get better from these experiences. I’m not new to support groups. I’ve been going to a men mental health support group for about two and a half years now. Thank you for your time.

#8

My son died from synthetic drugs in 2012. I have since learned all about them, helped start a coalition, started a non-profit, lead County groups, and educate the community about these deadly dangers. This has helped keep my sons memory alive and helped save others from this kind of grief.

I think we all have a purpose in life, different ones for different seasons of life. My sons time was short, just 19 years, but his memory is making a difference. I miss him terribly and sometimes it hits me hard, but I can also smile and member the great times.

I think everyone belongs here, as drugs and addiction hits everyone’s lives on one way or another.

#2

@Chris hi there - thanks for joining us here and sharing. Unfortunately not all addictions have happy endings :frowning: we’re here to support it all but this hasn’t been a topic that’s been deeply covered here yet though I know some of our members have felt and experienced it deeply.

We’d love to welcome you and find space to have these conversations. Maybe we need to add a new category? Maybe you can help us find the right words and ways to help. But for now please just start by sharing and we’ll get the ball rolling that way. Share what’s on your mind and where you’d like help and we’ll let the community members speak up to offer support through experiences or professional input also.

Since I personally have not had to face this (yet) with my loved one’s who’ve struggled with addiction and only second-hand through a brother’s girlfriend’s overdose (I never knew her). I’m all ears as to how we can make the space for this topic too.

Thanks again for joining us and getting the ball rolling on this topic and I’m grateful for you doing it.
And since we don’t have a ton of chatter on this topic yet I also understand if it doesn’t meet your needs right now. But love to open the conversation either way.

Sending love. And I’m so sorry to hear of your losses.

#9

Thank you for sharing @Teresa_Woolson - such wise words <3

#3

@Jane thank you! I was invited into this forum over instagram, I was not sure if I fit in to this kind of community. I should give myself more credit for how far I have come in my journey. And I would like to share any knowledge/wisdom I’ve gained over the last year. As well as receive support and listen to peoples stories. One of the things I deal with a lot is what I call the “could of, would of, should of” cycle. And of course the guilt I bring to the table. Even almost a year later of the passing of my ex. I still hurt, when others tell me I should have moved on by now. And with that the loneliness goes right along the hurt.

But I would especially like to thank you for the warm welcome and all the love.

#4

@Chris Welcome here! :blush: I’m so sorry to hear about your loved one. My mom died when I was in my 20s, and while it was by different circumstances, the pain is great and the love is not lost. This is Community is for anyone who loves someone who struggles (or struggled!) with addiction. Like you share above, you have “could, should, would” questions cycling! Please, ask them to the Community! I imagine you’re not the only one. Maybe the people who can answer your questions aren’t here yet - but I think the more we can grow this knowledge-base, the more valuable it is to everyone (those who are here currently, and those yet to arrive)!

#5

Hi Chris, I too lost a loved one to their addiction. It has only been 3 months since I lost my boyfriend, and as you know-this is not easy. The could of, would of, should of’s are enough to make anyone feel crazy, the best thing I’ve found to do is almost retrain my brain, anytime my mind goes there I try to take it somewhere else, to a happy memory I have with him or something like that. What I’ve noticed the most is the feeling that I’ve almost lost a sense of who I am now. I was always so incredibly wrapped up in his addiction, even when he was clean for long periods of time, that I stopped taking care of myself and doing things that made me happy-without even really recognizing that it was happening, so now here without him and his addiction to focus on, I don’t really know myself anymore. And getting to know myself all over again is scary, but at the same time I know it will be beautiful in some way.

Our loved ones never meant to hurt us, always remember that-especially if you’re feeling angry at them.

xoxoxo

#10

Hi All,
Kristina here, brand new to this community… My brother passed away in February 2019 from an opiate overdose, we now know it was fentanyl. For me, as a way to deal with the grief, I started a non profit and began narcan trainings, meeting with out legislator etc, writing the blog has been the most therapeutic for me. I had to be able to help other families know they are not alone when they lose someone or love someone in addiction. I am 36 years old and I have been to 14 funerals directly attributed to overdoses and I have only been to 4 weddings… that is a sad fact in today’s world. I’m so sorry for anyone who has lost someone to this beast. My thoughts are with all of you <3

#6

Beautiful insight @nikki92394 luckily my husband is still with us, though he tends jokes about being surprised by that fact. Still, now that his addiction is (mostly) in check, I’ve been going through this process of rediscovering me through all this - man it is a process.

I’m intrigued :slight_smile: What have you been learning about yourself? How have you been working on this?

#7

It definitely is a process! Lately I have been in a weird “say yes to everything” mode. Within reason obviously. There were so many things I said no to, due to his addiction-I didn’t want to be away from him. So now when I’m invited places I usually say yes. So with that, I’m learning what makes me happy. I’ve been doing a lot of self care-bubble baths, yoga, meditation, a massage every now and then. and in those times I try to disconnect from my phone or tv and sometimes even music. I try to sit with my thoughts, to be self aware of my issues and things I need to work on within myself. I journal daily, sometimes a few times a day and honestly, I think that has gotten me through a lot of this still somewhat sane. :yum:
I used this horrible thing that happened to me, to recreate my life. I didn’t really control my life for the last 3 years, his addiction did. So now it is all my choice, I can create whatever I want. So I enrolled back into school and am currently working on getting my Substance Abuse Counseling Certificate, after that my plan is to get a degree in social work. It is a weird feeling, I feel like I’m looking for myself. Parts of who I was before I met him are coming back, but parts of who I was with him are sticking around-and it’s nice. He changed my life in a lot of ways, he made me a better person, and I am forever grateful for that.