Did I go too far by contacting her parents and friends when her addiction is this severe already and she won’t seek help?


#1

My partner of the last six months is a recovering addict. She is a true addict in the sense that she will use any chemical, but Heroin is her drug of choice. When we met she had been prescribed suboxone for three years. I was ok with this and promised from the beginning to support her recovery in any way I could. We had an agreement. She could vent and talk about her cravings and trauma as much as she needed, and I would never judge. I was there to keep that platform open for her and she could trust me to listen without judgement or repeating.
In the beginning of this August my partner’s suboxone clinic was shut down short notice and she decided to take that opportunity to quit the drug that had been helping her stay sober. She had a few small mistakes over the years, but never anything lasting more than a night. She decided to quit this drug with no support from family or medical professionals. It was extremely difficult to watch, I sat by her side every day for two weeks and she constantly thanked me and told me she loved and appreciated me and the patience I’ve had for her and how she didn’t deserve it.
After the first two weeks of suboxone withdrawals a major personality change occurred. My partner did not want to see me any longer. She Welcomed my support as a friend at first, but continued to push away. There was no reason for our split, other than she exclaimed that it wasn’t fair to me and she was no longer in a mental space for a relationship which at the time seemed understandable. But I promised I would still be there to support her henever she needed.
Thirteen days ago she fully relapsed. She was posting videos of herself while extremely high on a social media site. I reached out to her parents, they spoke with her, she lied and claimed I was trying to get back at her for the break up. I continued talking to my now ex, offering a platform to vent, and she opened up. She has been injecting meth and cocaine daily, has been fired from her job, and is contemplating sex work to pay rent and fuel her habits. (I don’t demonize sex work, but in this situation I feel it would be destructive to her recovery due to past sexual trauma). She’s avoided her family for weeks in attempt to hide her weight loss and track marks.
She came over a few days ago, she exclaimed she wanted help or she was going to die. I urged she contact her family and go home as soon as possible as they are only a 30 minute drive away. She opened up about her IV drug use, but still doesn’t consider her daily use of meth and coke a true relapse because she isn’t using heroin yet. I reached out to her roommates who are very good people and family friends and asked they keep an eye on her. She found out and is choosing to push me away, claiming I’m being controlling and she’s sick of therapy and just wants to be left to live her addict lifestyle.

I don’t know what to do other than focus on myself. But I feel extreme guilt. Did I go to far by contacting her parents and friends when her addiction is this severe already and she won’t seek help? Am I truly the bad persons or is this just addict mindset behavior? I know I’ll never get my partner back. That’s long gone. But i love and care about her as a person so much. She doesn’t deserve the suffering she chooses to live with…


#2

Thanks for sharing @jtswanny47 I’m sure a fair few people in this community can relate to what you’re sharing.

Man this is the second story in a couple weeks where someone’s partner has relapsed due to a disruption in their medication assisted treatment.

In my opinion and personal experience I think getting more people that want to help your loved one involved is best. It’s pretty tough to hold all that worry ourselves and we’re stronger when we band together to take action and work to help them. When addiction takes over it really clouds everything so the more support we have to help usher towards treatment / recovery again the better.

You’re not bad for wanting to help someone you love <3

Love to help you navigate this with more tools - perhaps you’ll join our weekly digital meetup (RSVP HERE) or full course (enroll HERE) this time around - feel free to message me directly for more info on any of this.


#3

I totally believe you did the right thing in contacting her parents. It’s so crazy how the addicts in our lives make us feel that we are doing something wrong when in reality we aren’t! I’ve heard a recovering addict say that if an addict is happy with you, you are probably enabling. If he/she is angry with you, you may be saving their life. So tricky navigating these waters. Sending love and prayers your way.


#4

Thank you for the kind words and for validating me everyone. I was able to convince her parents to go visit her home and check on her so they can see for themselves and they found her passed out in her trashed room with a bag of needles. She is extremely angry with me and decided to block me on all forms of media and my phone number, but at least she’s headed into treatment now. Her mom told me she believes I may have saved her life because they’re never able to actually see her at her worst and she’s a very good liar. Hopefully someday she’ll come around and we can be friends again, for now I’m just sooo happy that she’s safe.


#5

Glad she’s safe too @jtswanny47 and I can’t speak for her, but I can speak from my experience that often the emotions they feel when high dissipate when they come back down and their memories can be a bit eroded round those times so she may not even remember some of the things she said or how she felt angry towards you <3