When your loved one is clean, and life is perfectly ordinary, and you’re just grateful for the happiness and the small moments and how far you’ve come… do you ever get scared that it’s too good to last? How do you cope?
I know what you mean! We get so used to the ebb and flow of healthy / harmful behavior it can be tough to know when real change has been made and if they are here to stay.
Are there real factual reasons to have any worry right now?
Like…in the past they’ve only gone x months before something happening? Or maybe now that I feel better I have more energy to worry, and I need to find another activity to spend that energy on? Perhaps if we can find the root of where the worry is coming from then we can figure out how to process it?
What do you think?
I’ve found that over time lets the outcome of actions builds up to new stored knowledge that I can draw on to say ‘this is the new normal’ and for us it really has been like a step ladder moving up rungs…but it does take a long time. And my husband’s drinking still bothers me.
What’s been helpful to me is keep a view of experimentation - how is this working right now? And if something isn’t working let’s go back to what was or find something new to try. That way any kind of slip up doesn’t seem so irrecoverable.
Jane you also said something to me which was super helpful and that was to be patient with myself. For so long I was scared and anxious and playing detective that when you don’t have those same stressors it takes your body and mind time to catch up. You reminded me to be kind to myself and allow myself time to adjust just as my partner is.
Also acknowleding that the fear is a false sense of safety. Like if you worry all the time and my partner relapses somehow it’ll have less of a blow because we were expecting it. But that isn’t healthy and allowing yourself to focus on the good and lean into the new norm takes our nervous systems time.
Thanks for your response, @jane. Right now, nothing to really worry about. And I’m not complaining! I am grateful for every moment and we’re both aware of just how well we’ve been communicating. You mention the ebb and flow - I guess I know that life has ups and downs, and sometimes there are moments when I know we’re up, and I wonder how/when the fall will occur. Maybe the emotional trauma of living with active addiction is still a little too close. I hope it keeps getting better with time. Just have to remind myself that all the work we’re doing now is helping us build up that strength and resilience should we find ourselves falling.