my husband was an addict to opioids when we got together almost 9 years ago. He has always been an addict and has used most everything that can be used. In 2014 he began going to a methadone clinic. He did good and continued going for six years. In January of this year he relapsed (although he refuses to admit that is what happened) He wanted off the methadone because he said it made him feel dead inside he had been tapering down 1mg every two weeks and had gone from 99mg to 64mg. It was going to be a slow process so he decided to quit cold turkey. HOWEVER he also decided to go get him some meth to help him overcome his methadone addiction. This has truly been a struggle for me and my two daughter ages 11 and 7. I did have him committed in January he only stayed 6 days, when he got out he was a very sick man and there was a time or two that I thought he was dying on me. He got back out there looking for anything he could find I saw him use Crack, cocaine, and meth. So almost 5 months later we are still struggling and his meth use is up to 1 gram a day at times. Yesterday he said he was done with it but I don’t believe it when he has nothing he cries all the time, and is very frustrated with everything around him. This has truly been a new experience for me bc I have never used any drugs or drank. I am at my witts end and I do love him more than he knows but I don’t know how much more I can take. At this point I don’t know what to do. I see his struggles and I push onward but it gets to the point that "what about me and the girls? How much more do we have to put up with? Where do I go from here? Im looking for some advice because I really don’t know where to turn from here. Methadone is a BAD drug when going off of it cold turkey but he doesn’t want to here that you cant just substitute it with something else. When he has meth he stays to himself all day and has no concept of time what so ever it will take him hours to complete a project that should only take 30 minutes. When he doesn’t have the meth he cries all the time and is SOOOOO hateful to the girls and I that it is crazy. He doesn’t physically abuse us but mentally and emotionally. Anyone have any advice for me.
My Dear Friend,
I share your pain, but I am fortunate to not have small children in this crisis. My husband is 60 years old and has been addicted to opioids and heroine for at the least 40 years. He has emotionally traumatized me from it all and my friends and family are quite sick of the ordeal because I’ve taken him back so many times. He now is in a rehab facility and it maybe for 6 months to a year. I’m very lonely because he was when he wasn’t using my best friend. I had him committed to this rehab and I will not allow him to come back until he has proven to have substantial time of staying clean and making amends and repair what’s left if his life. These drug users are holding hands with the devil and the devil won’t let go until they do! We married these men because we loved them and they are still in there but the devil is controlling their behavior and paralyzing the brain cells they need to feel the love they once did! My husband sold his wedding ring to buy drugs and he also struggles with having sex. He got viagra and sold that for drugs. So I’m left feeling like he doesn’t even want me at all, but again I have to realize it’s the devil not him! I’ve actually considered asking a priest to perform an exorcism! I’m convinced this drug is truly the devil in disguise! People have laughed at me for that! My advice to you is to talk to a counselor at a nearby rehab and see if you can file papers to commit him into a long term treatment center. Don’t communicate with him until he shows some progress. It’s hard, I know but if you do nothing, then nothing will change! Don’t waste another day of your life!!! He won’t get better on his own. And he won’t do it for you or your girls. If he truly lives you, he’ll do it for himself!
Thank you for responding I agree with you 100% this is not a easy road my husband is almost 50years old and he is not the person I fell in love with. This drug is the devil and the devil uses it to destroy families like ours. It really helps to know I’m not alone.
My boyfriend has struggled with methadone. Once he started methadone he got worse. On top of still using heroin. He’s now in rehab since March doing much better. There is hope.
I’m sorry to hear you are suffering. I can relate and I empathize with you so much. Wow it’s the hardest thing. I understand the ‘devil’ metaphor and I too have thought that myself in the past - as a witness it does sometimes look and feel like the person you love is possessed.
My dear person and I have been through it all too, the highs and the deep deep lows. Right now, he has just shared with me that, once again, we have been living in a falsehood. Doesn’t it make you question every single interaction you’ve had since, once again, the surreptitious drug abuse has begun again. The withholding, the redirecting, the avoidance. I can’t stand to police it either! Which in turn makes me hesitant to ask my person about his day, which he is well aware of and non-maliciously manipulates, which then silently upsets me - because isn’t it ‘normal’ to have conversations with the person you love about their day? This person has been living with addiction for nearly 30 years now, with recovery phases included throughout. I’m right now believing that he will never remain in recovery, I’m sure he is too. Faith is at an all time low ebb. To me it seems like the bedrock of our relationship is just constantly being chipped away at. I understand addiction as a disease, I know it is but that does NOT make it easy to live alongside. The associated behaviours of addiction are just such a mind ]^>}?}€+]+. I know to create my own life and work on myself, I do that. I’m sure the most of us know about this now as the conversation has changed over the years. Happily the literature, the information and the understanding of addiction as a disease now come from a place of science, knowledge and heart. I totally lean towards all of that and I know it all to be true but right now I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. This has turned (perhaps selfishly) into my own story but I just felt really touched by your pain and I wanted to relate. To make you feel less alone and to make me feel less alone too I guess. My person, he’s used heroin since he was 18 - he’s now 47. He uses everything else also, he had a horrible ghastly nightmare time of using crack but incredibly he stopped using that and went back to his ‘downers’. That is the most horrible vial drug I’ve ever come close too. He was an absolute monster when he used it, I did not recognize him. We have a long history, him and I. I left him once, but then(now) 15 years later he came back into my life. I still loved him. Right now though, I can’t take it & I just have have have to prioritize myself. Please take care of you & my heart goes out to you - to your person too - but actually mainly to you. It hurts hard to love a person who suffers with addiction. Much respect, I send it forth.
I’m sorry you have asked for advice and that’s not what I’m given you above. Thinking about it now, my advice is - find support for yourself. Wise counselors, professionals experienced in the field of addiction, other lovers of those who live with addiction, be creative, make your own space and your own world. Walk in nature!!! Take care all of you/us out there walking the hard walk.
Thanks for sharing this with me. My husband has used since he was 16 he is almost 50 now. I have never used or drank and I know it’s hard to understand what our loved ones are experiencing but at the same time it’s do D*** frustrating that they don’t care enough to get the help they need. I am too at my wit’s end.