So my s/o has a problem with cocaine and alcohol. Every night he’s on both. About 2months ago he said he’ll go to rehab to help him stop, every week he said he’ll go tomorrow but never went. He managed to convince him self that he doesn’t need to go his problem isn’t that bad, so he’s not going. I went in maternity about 3mo ago and am finally going back to work, during my maternity my s/o was supposed to take care of everything and did the exact opposite, are cars are months behind on payment we’re about to evicted and some days struggle to figure how we’re going to buy basic house hold things. He had a great job and hasn’t gone since our baby was born because he supposedly going to rehab so he went on disability but since he never went he’s probably going to lose his job but he is to scared to call and find out. I haven’t been the best support system for him but I’m at a point where I just don’t know what to do. **I feel like if I leave him I’d be a horrible person for giving up on him.***i feel a anger and disappointment towards him that I just can’t shake off. He won’t leave me even when I ask him to, but I’m sure we’re getting evicted so I was thinking of leaving him when I get some money in a month or 2. I need opinions on this situation!? We’ve been on and off for years because he used to hit me before but he hasn’t hit me in a about 2years but now it’s been nothing but other problems. Is it selfish of me to want peace in my life? In my kids lives? They love their dad but I’m just so sick of struggling and fighting and being controlled by this man especially when he has nothing to offer.
I He needs the right support system. I’m sure he’s a great person. But when they are high or under the influence they become a different person. He probably needs the right resources the right help. No one wants to go to rehab it’s a huge step. My boyfriend is the same but he recently left rehab and has relapsed. It’s very hard for my boyfriend. He also needs a lot of love. He doesn’t mean to hurt you. Also being close to God would also help.
I don’t think that doing the right thing for YOURSELF is every selfish. Only you know what the right thing for yourself and your children is. It is different for every family.
It would sure be great if you could take the COURSE. I say this because you have quite enough to do already learning how to integrate another person into your family. That is a lot of transition all by itself. You can make positive changes that can help your partner feel loved enough to be brave enough to get help. I hope you give this CRAFT stuff a try. I did the tough love stuff a long- hard try for 5 years and it didn’t match my style of wanting the most for my son. That being said, I recognize that relationships with children vary significantly from partner relationships. Good luck.
By “not giving up on him,” are you in turn giving up on yourself? On your own peace? On peace in your children’s lives? I’ve learned that before we can be there as support for others, we have to be able to be there for ourselves. Listen to what your soul and your body needs right now. You are not a horrible person for taking care of yourself. Sending love and hope your way.